remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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