im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
