Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Threesome in a minivan. New low
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
