I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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