The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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