pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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