You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
