they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
