I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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