He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just cut my nipple shaving
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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