chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
