If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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