just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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