just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
