i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
