Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
