It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
