He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
