You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
