so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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