Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
