DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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