I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
