i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
