i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
