If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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