Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
