Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
