He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
