U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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