Life is so much better after having sex.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
