i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
