Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
