There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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