Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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