The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
