Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
