It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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