It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
