Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
