tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
