Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm jealous of your bromance
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
