just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize