I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize