Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
