spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
tell me about the eggs
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