Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
