I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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