why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
