I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
