There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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