Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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