You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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