Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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