Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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