oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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