Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
