grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
