Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You took a bar mat shot.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
