Girls should come with a carfax report
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
