not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
