M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
