i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
